Why the hell is it relevant to ask Senate candidates if they have read ’50 Shades of Grey’? Oh probably because Kirsten Gillibrand and Wendy Long are women and only women read smut. I’m pretty sure that in one state over Bob Menendez and Joe Kyrillos weren’t asked if they looked at Playboy.
There is an unfortunate stigma that surrounds my current position. I’m a sex educator. Yep, I teach people about their anatomy so they can lead productive, sex-positive lives. I also have a Master’s degree in media studies and television production from The New School. I have a B.A. in English from Pace University. I have interned at major production and publishing companies, and freelanced for local film projects. Anyone who has ever met me knows that I’m the most understanding person; always willing to help out. Always nice. Always accommodating. I’m always shocked how much judgement I face because of my job. Is it really that awful? I don’t have my dream job. I’m not working on my own television show. I pay my rent, I support myself, I don’t ask anyone for help. I’m pretty sure when I was writing blogs for CosmoGirl! I wasn’t thinking, “Man, I hope that in a few years I get to teach people about lubricant.”
So, I have this job. Awesome. I have learned so much about human sexuality, anatomy, materials; now I have this plethora of information that I use to help people make the right choices and hold themselves accountable for their safe/non-safe sex practices. I do it without shaming or alienating people.
I bring all of this up because I’m finding that there seems to be this idea floating around I that I shouldn’t be regarded as professional if I’m working in my current job. It’s sad that sex/sex education is still so taboo that the thought of someone working in the industry couldn’t possibly be considered someone to be taken seriously. In a given day, I could be a therapist for someone trying to save their marriage, I might have to explain safe sex practices to a person with the wrong information, I may even have to tell a boyfriend to be a more respectful to his girlfriend. I use all of my interpersonal skills and my ability to be accessible with a very sensitive subject matter to make people’s lives better.
I would like to invite any and all so called ‘professionals’ to come witness a day at my job. Study me. Listen to what I have to say. Then tell me whether or not I’m a professional. It takes great patience and care to make an inappropriate conversation appropriate. And if I can be great at this job, I can be great at any job.
Things you learn working at an adult toy store:
People are sexually repressed, and terrified of their own bodies. I absolutely understand this from my own past, and find some comfort knowing that I can take a really complicated subject and make it accessible to those struggling to find their sexual identity. However, there needs to be more sex education in this country. I can’t help but feel sad for the hundreds of women I’ve had to convince they are allowed to feel pleasure, and the tons of men I’ve had to educate on anal stimulation and prostate health — and how it doesn’t turn you gay. These are legitimate fears/insecurities I hear every single day that have been hammered into people’s brains. My favorite is the one about how if a female can put something big inside of her she is a slut, or loose, or has been fucking by many people. Or females who have been told this asking for creams that will shrink/tighten their vaginas.
[Before I continue, I'm going to explain a few things. 1. The walls of the vagina are anatomically designed to be somewhat elastic. You're not stretching anything. Also, let's also keep in mind the vagina is equipped to push out a baby. Of course, not everyone with a vagina self-identifies with giving birth or even has the ability to carry a child, but the vagina can expand (with lube and foreplay). Also, as a female bodied person stands up the walls of the vagina are touching. Those 'loose' rumors are incredibly false. Oh and those creams are meant to dehydrate you giving you the illusion of being 'tighter' when in fact it's causing you more problems than it's worth (dryness, irritation, bacterial infection, yeast infection). Okay, I'm done. Continue on...]
This is what I think is going on. I could totally be wrong, but this is what I’ve come to understand:
People are focusing too much on the morality aspect of sex and how it is defying god’s law to have it for more than procreation. So let’s not teach people about sex or sexual health because then they will get the idea stuck in their head and will want to engage in it outside of marriage and/or for pleasure. So rich, god-fearing politicians stand in front of podiums and submit bills to cut off funding for sex education and to places that provide contraception because that way they will cut off all thoughts people might have about their bodies.
Let’s look at the key words here [thoughts, their, ideas,bodies, health]. I will say this: if god gave us anything, he/she/they gave us free will and the ability for us to form our own opinions. I have the right to disregard the sex/morality guilt. I even have the right to spell god in all lower case letters. I have ideas and those ideas are different from your ideas.
Here is the plan. Fund sex education and contraception. Do it for two years and look at the results. I bet you will see a greater good that comes from it instead of looking at it as ‘god is going to get mad,’ ‘women are going to be sluts,’ ‘morality is going to go our the window’ way. Look at it as a way for people to think. The best part, we all have the ability to disregard the information — and that should be an individual choice.
p.s. I wrote this on the G train about an hour ago.
There is a lot going on in the political sphere that may directly affect my health and my body, and with those tenants come along certain misconceptions surrounding women. I’m going to post more comments that have been said to me recently — and my responses.
You are ignoring your role as a woman if you don’t want to produce a child:
Alright. So what you’re saying is that because I want to do more with my life than raise a child, I am ignoring my roles as a woman. First let’s for one moment remember that no where does it definitively state the roles of women, and since that is a grey area you cannot push me into a set of responsibilities that have not been outlined. I’m assuming that the fore mentioned roles you speak of pertain to being a nurturer or the caregiver — and as a woman my job is to give up my life in order to take care of a baby I should want to have inside of me. What about people like myself who cannot bear children? Am I ignoring my role as a woman because I don’t have that ability?
My tax money shouldn’t go towards birth control:
Well, my tax money went to two wars that I don’t agree with so maybe you should suck it up.
